Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Wake Me Up When September Ends

I should have so much to write about. Actually there were 3 on my list: movie reviews for The Lorax, which is the kids' favorite at present, With Honors and The Cure, a couple of old movies I've watched as a student in high school. But I feel the need to write about my pessimistic feelings first, hoping to get rid of them and be able to move on and do well for the remaining days I have before I leave. I have to deal with fear, anxiety, depression head on so that I may find my health back. Despite these negative feelings, I have plenty of happy plans for my family, especially the kids.

I don't understand very well what the subject song title wanted to convey with its lyrics but right now, this is what I feel. September marks my last month in work. It marks all the other things that I should be prepared about. For me, the ending of September is a nightmare. And I'm dreading the day when I will have to leave as it gets nearer.

It's effect on me unconsciously was stress, then depression. For the full week last week, I got sick. I was struck with the worst pharyngitis I have ever experienced in my entire existence coupled with blisters on my lower lip. I'm losing a few pounds and I think that's one good thing that resulted from the ailment. I've been meaning to lose some weight as my skirts and blouses are getting a bit skimpy to wear. But I didn't mean I'd lose weight the HARD WAY. Anyway, thank God the sore throat doesn't hurt that much anymore and my lips are starting to look normal although it still hurts to smile or open them wide when eating.

I am almost halfway through the month. Here at this part, it is most suitable to play the background music for the movie JAWS when the shark was after someone because that's how I feel with time. It's like time is running after me, chasing me and when it catches me, I don't know what worse thing will happen to me. I am already becoming depressed okay? I don't know what else time could do to hurt me more.

What hurts the worst is that you see a trouble and yet you are incapable of changing things even if you know the solution. Because the hardest to bend are people. When people are involved, I discovered that I am powerless. My problem with people is so great it's like a big bundle of tangled fabrics that is very difficult to untangle. First, there is fear for their faith. It no longer matter that what I really desire for them is good because in the end, they will choose the enemy. They've done this once, they will do this again. Second, is fear for their future. Right now, I see what is wrong with the household management. I try to sort things out for them, tell them what should be best done. But in the end, my good intentions are ignored because my ways are so unlike theirs. My ways may even appear harsh. But it's just because I wanted a good future for them.

And all this nightmare will always be a bad dream unless I wake up and say, it's over. I don't want to a part of this anymore. I GIVE UP... I have a life to live also.

3 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear about your troubles. I do hope things get better soon.

    Anyway, I've only just recently watched The Lorax too and I like it. But since it wasn't very musical, Andrea didn't like it much. I'm hoping she will grow into it since the movie's message is good :)

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  2. Hi Jen! I hope everything is well or at least better with you now. I'll include you in my prayers.

    I agree with the idea of that hardest element to blend in planet earth ;) apparently, we can't do something about them.. we are left with what we can do with our lives. i believe with your wisdom, experience and faith, you will be able to overcome everything.

    Btw, about the Lay Bare experience, they have several branches on SM and Robinsons mall. My preferred branch is the one in Robinsons Metroeast. Try it.. d naman ganun kasakit hahaha

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Diane...

      I think I'll go to Metroeast. This stress thing is causing me to grow hair on my chest! Hahaha!

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