Friday, October 19, 2012

My Second Dream

When our visa was granted, it was one of the most ecstatic moments in my life. I was blushing very red that time out of excitement, and I can't help but smile from ear to ear. I immediately called the husband to share the good news for I was at the office when it happened. All my closest friends were happy as well when I told them this great feat.

Indeed it was a big feat for me. I'm not sure how or why but perhaps because Australia was supposed to be a greener pasture, of maybe because the process had been a tough one to undergo. But after the dream had been granted, little did I care about what shall come up next.

Humans, as long as we are alive, we do not stop dreaming for the dreams serve as our goals and the goals guide us to the paths which we are to undertake. In between those dreams are the realities. That is where I am now and my next dream is to be reunited with my family.

I care less about the realities. While I was waiting for the visa grant, I just went on with my daily routine: work, family, friends. It wasn't so difficult back then I suppose. The most comforting parts were the times I look forward to ending the day with my husband and my little ones. There's nothing like being home after a tiring day at work. But the realities I'm in now are much too difficult to ignore. It was circumstance which put me where I am now.

To begin with, I battled with the thought of separation with my family at least a month or so before my departure. There was the time I got sick for an entire week, countless times of crying, moodswings that were more frequently irritable and distressed... But those experiences do not compare to the ones I have been undergoing from the moment I was to board the plane. Thoughts with painful impact: the last time I was picking up my daughter at school, the last time I was teasing my youngest daughter, the last time my husband and I ate dinner, the last time I was sleeping with them on our warm bed. All those last times and yet I failed to make them special because I was too forcused on the next dream that I didn't even notice the realities coming.

Right now I live with all the luxury of time and comfort which my tita and other relatives provide me. Plenty of time I didn't have back then... I could listen endlessly to music I love, read books to my heart's content. Even the cool weather I enjoy here which was opposite in the Philippines. But oh, how I'd give anything to be back home. I'd give all my time to my babies just to be able to cuddle and kiss them right this instant. I'd bear the hot weather just to be able to sleep beside my husband tonight...

I miss them so much. This is the painful reality I am bearing now. No amount of first-time-adventures can console the yearning in my heart. Every souvenir photos and memoirs of my firsts here in Australia are but documentaries to tell my love ones that here I am, finally, fine and okay. Because I know if they think I am happy, they'd be happy too.

But I miss them so much. And I can't wait until my second dream is granted. Right now, my prayer is that God, please let this moment be not too long. I miss them so much.

5 comments:

  1. Maybe weeks or months of waiting but when its over the agony will turn on us waiting to see you and your family again, after how many years? We have no idea. But bottom line is we are proud and happy for you! (dad)

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  2. Hugs Jenn.... I'm sorry I've been a terrible friend too. I failed to make it on the last days when you intend to build those precious memories. But I believe this is just the beginning for you, your family and friends. I will include you and your kids in my prayers. Hold on and have faith :)

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  3. Interesting post on the joys of going to another beautiful city and the pangs of seperation in conflict. Good wishes coming your way.

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  4. I just saw this post. So sorry to hear you had to leave your family. But I know you thought long and hard about this and your sacrifice is for your family's best interests.

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  5. Awwwwww. Hugs. They'll follow you soon. :)

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