Sunday, February 15, 2015

Silence

15 February 2015 marks my 13th year in faith. A long time of conviction nevertheless I can't say that I have reached perfection. Too far away from that. I can't even tell if I have even reached the state of being "good." As a matter of fact, people see me as stingy, greedy, arrogant, hypocrite... And the list goes on and on. Some people believe I am so evil I hold grudge.

I was never appreciated. The things I have been doing were always regarded as small and incomplete.
I can't say I don't care. I have feelings and I hurt badly because of this. Sometimes I question myself if I could still go on or if I am just going on in vain. But I know that if everything else is taken away from me, this faith will be my only hope. I want my children to grow up in this faith and that desire is what pushes me to move on even though I am feeling weak.

So I just let go. Let anyone think what they want about me. I'll just let the words not hurt me. There's no use fighting back. It would only make me feel worse. So I have decided a long time ago to just keep my silence. I am not wanted. I know my silence doesn't hurt anyone as long as I give them what they want. My silence is what's causing me peace, even though I am heavily burdened right now.

No complaints. Just letting go. And that is how I find myself being able to move on. 

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